AN INTERVIEW WITH THE HIGHER SELF

An Interview with the Higher Self – About Self-Esteem, Guilt and Partnership

In my last QHHT session, I had a very interesting conversation with my client’s Higher Self. I think the message that her Higher Self conveyed so impressively is very important for all of us and since every session is recorded, I would like to publish the conversation here – on my blog –  and share it with you.

To start: The session was mainly about how and with whom we find our own self-worth, what can be done to avoid slipping into a negative thought spiral, and what role failed partnerships play in this. I will leave out any details in order to preserve the privacy of my client. Let’s jump right in and have fun reading!

 

Higher Self:

People in themselves must learn to understand that expressing appreciation and saying that you are good enough is not what you need and that you already have everything inside yourself. Otherwise, you will always continue to only dependent on external validation.

 

Me:

Does that have something to do with the fact that she has always had relationships with men in this manner?

 

Higher Self:

Yes, many relationships have been based on the fact that you are only happy when you receive validation from others. Hence, you are only happy when others give make you feel good and that is wrong. Therefore, these relationships have failed. But you are only happy when it comes from within you. When you are happy with yourself, inside yourself. This is something you must be aware of. Especially when the self-doubt arises again.

 

Me:

But how do I manage that concretely? Especially nowadays, self-doubt comes up over and over again.

 

Higher Self:

Self-doubt is okay and shows that you are still working on yourself which is positive. It’s the art of not thinking about oneself in a completely arrogant way, but not turning these self-doubts into negative thoughts that make you sad. It’s the art of self-doubt, of learning and saying it’s ok and I keep on working and I believe in myself. Nevertheless, I sometimes have phases where I think it’s not going so well, or what’s wrong with me now? But you only learn from that and from that, you can also come out positive and not negative.

 

Me:

Would you say that all “negative” feelings, like self-doubt or jealousy, are energies that can be transformed into something positive?

 

Higher Self:

Correct. All negative feelings can be turned into positive feelings, just like jealousy, which is a positive feeling. You are jealous because a person is so close to your heart that you are fearful to lose them. And if you transform these energies into something positive then you can grow out of that and your relationship can grow as well.

 

Me:

How can you transform the feeling of jealousy into something positive? Often the feeling of jealousy is overpowering and one can’t think clearly anymore.

 

Higher Self:

Exactly. When you start to get angry and you don’t think clearly anymore, you must take a step back before you react and reflect on where the emotion comes from. Often, jealousy is rooted in self-doubt, and the fact that this person is so important to you that you panic about losing them. You might also worry that something might go wrong or the person meets someone else and that’s where you must pause and reflect on having these negative and where they originate from. Maybe they are a result of self-doubt and you can fix them by realizing that you have everything, you’re fine and happy with yourself. The best solution is to take a step back from those negative emotions and to communicate to your partner e.g. “I am jealous because I saw that you looked at XYZ” and not talk about it in a negative way and believe that your partner can be understanding because it is completely normal. Try to turn it into positive energy and admit that you’re jealous because you’re afraid to lose your partner since you care so much about them. This is a much nicer perspective and you can grow out of it in a relationship and not cause a fight.

 

Me:

But this is only possible if you have a partner with whom you can talk openly and with who you are on the same level.

 

Higher Self:

Right. That’s the most important part. Communication above all. Someone who also understands your point of view and who can empathize with you. It is of utmost importance that you have someone who is empathetic. Otherwise, it doesn’t work, but I think that if you are a very empathetic person yourself, you attract empathetic people with whom you enter into a serious partnership.

 

Me:

Yes, and above all, a partner who also wants to work on it. Sometimes empathy alone is just not enough, is it?

 

Higher Self:

I agree. Sometimes it’s not enough. Not empathy, but above all the character traits of the others. When there is too much emotional baggage on both sides, sometimes even a little empathy is not enough. There really is a mistake in the communication somewhere or a mistake on both sides of the energy, that they just can’t come together.

 

Me:

Would you also say that one should bring a healthy amount of personal responsibility, self-reflection, and work to a relationship in order to continue working on it?

 

Higher Self:

Exactly, you continue to work together. On both personalities which can be a lot of work, that you build it up together and then continue to grow together. But it is much more important to trust your inner self. Everything you can grow from, you find in yourself. Too many people are too focused on finding confirmation from the outside, but you don’t need anybody else for that. Appreciation and affirmation in everyday work life are great, but you actually don’t have to hear it all the time. You find everything you need in yourself and everything you hear verbally from others, from your partner or from work, is just a nice bonus but you cannot let it define yourself.

 

Me:

Sometimes it is quite difficult to listen to ourselves because we are not used to it.

 

Higher Self:

Right, and the issue is that many can’t do that or don’t know-how. It often helps to write things down that are positive about you. Simply because sometimes it’s so hard for us to imagine all the good that we carry within us. That’s why you can also write it down or make yourself aware of it so that you can get better access to it.

 

Me:

Would you also say that you can write down all these positive aspects of yourself and your feelings, even if you don’t believe them 100% or if you still have doubts so that you can remember them?

 

Higher Self:

Totally. Everything you write down will be more memorable. Everything you read out loud or what you consciously do every day is more memorable and at some point, just like your dreams, you believe in them. The more often you make yourself aware, the more you believe in yourself, and the less you need confirmation from others.

 

Me:

Yet many people are so affected by their traumas and their past or the childhood memories that they can’t let go of it.

 

Higher Self:

Yes, because we are afraid to find access to ourselves because people are afraid to hear within themselves. If you go into yourself naturally, then not only good things surface. In the end, you always get rewarded but you also get reminded of situations where you weren’t feeling so good. Yet that is also important to make yourself aware of this because you can learn from it. I sometimes think that people are too afraid to listen. We can all hear within ourselves. Everybody can hear within themselves but people are much too afraid and that’s why we look for confirmation and distraction from the outside. But this is not enough for us, because when we find our confirmation from within ourselves, we become much happier. By reliving them, we can heal any emotional wounds and overcome bad or hurtful situations and grow stronger.

 

Me:

In the past, I have often wondered why emotions come up more intensely in relationships. Is it fair to say that what you don’t work on will catch up with you at some point one way or another?

 

Higher Self:

That’s the way it is and that’s why we can’t enter a serious partnership if we don’t listen to ourselves and satisfy our own needs first since that’s when we try to satisfy those needs through the partner and that’s wrong.

 

Me:

As a child, you learn certain beliefs that you unconsciously take with you into the present. For example, if you have the belief that “I am not good enough” and this belief comes up in a partnership, what would you advise on how best to deal with it?

 

Higher Self:

You may have beliefs from the past that drag you down or influence you a lot, but you also have beliefs that you are developing now. Just like you’re remembering those childhood beliefs, you can internalize, “The way I am right now, I’m good enough and I’m good enough for everybody else because I’m good enough for myself.” If you find such a contrast mantra to a belief that always puts you down, you can reverse it. By making yourself aware of it again and again, by writing down this opposition, it dissolves the past belief and can transform it into a new positive.

 

Me:

It appears that for us humans it is very difficult to let go of the past, isn’t it? We should learn that.

 

Higher Self:

Correct. Our past always influences us but like you say, we must let go of some of it to grow and to transform what happened to us into positive energies.

 

Me:

And we can do that by listening to ourselves?

 

Higher Self:

Listening to yourself and finding your identity is of the highest priority. And only through this can one’s own appreciation take place.

 

Me:

Persistent feelings of guilt often play a major role in the topic of letting go and your own self-esteem. What kind of advice can you give us there?

 

Higher Self:

It’s ok to have such feelings and you can grow beyond them. Guilt is a feeling that arises because you are still holding on to something and you haven’t quite solved something for yourself. That means you should start at this point and think: Ok, what have I not solved for me yet, that I still feel guilty about? Self-blame is a characteristic that many people take out of a very desperate situation without properly reflecting if it is really them or without considering other factors that play a role to resolve this feeling. Especially things that create a feeling of guilt from the past, you can solve them again today. The past is the past and you live in the present.

 

Me:

Even if I have hurt a person mentally or physically or have the feeling that I could have done more  – no matter in which situation?

 

Higher Self:

Every person carries these thoughts. Any feelings of guilt for situations where one has behaved wrongly. That’s okay too. No one is perfect and everyone reacts differently in different situations. The first step is to reflect and recognize that your behavior wasn’t right but you’ll act differently in the future. Once you solve this knot, you can let go of the guilt. The human being holds on to so many negative feelings that pull you down but you don’t need that. If you know that you have changed in the future or can react differently in the future, then that is exactly why you can let go.

 

Me:

Sometimes we think that we have hurt a person so much that they are emotionally broken forever.

 

Higher Self:

A person himself or herself does not break anyone completely. It’s just that sometimes you do things wrong, just like everybody else does and that’s okay and the other person can forgive just like you can forgive. As soon as this knot is loosened, you can manifest to react differently in the next situation and the person will feel exactly that.

 

Me:

What else would you tell people to make their lives easier?

 

Higher Self:

People would live a much simpler life if they didn’t let themselves get dragged by self-doubts. We are seeking so much: confirmation, appreciation in the job, a partner, etc. Yet we must realize that we find so much in ourselves. That is why a personal retreat, which can also be in the head, can make a serious difference, which people often do not understand. We always try to run back and forth and to fulfill so much of ourselves but we fill ourselves with the wrong things such as the purchase of goods, beauty products that always have to be even more beautiful and better, and so on. But all that is so lapsed if we listen inside ourselves and listen to what we want and what makes us perfect and what our own personal traits, our own strengths, and weaknesses are. If we were aware of this, every person would be so much happier.

 

Me:

We just never learned it or consider it not real.

 

Higher Self:

Exactly. That’s where the problem lies. We live in such a fast-paced time and society and especially our generation wants so much right now and is striving for so much. People forget at the end of the day that all they have is themselves. So why don’t we listen to what we want? Why do we listen to so much that society says? Why do we listen to what the generation says and what is nonsense and what is not nonsense? That is just a big problem. But I believe that more and more people are finding themselves and everybody can find themselves anyway.

 

Me:

Time is running out. Thank you so much for your help and for your words.